Why 'Hey, Secre'?

Secretary. Receptionist. Assistant. Appointment maker. Memo creator. Face of, Voice of, Tone of the business. Email replier. Post It hoarder. Keeper of the Keys. Complaint taker. Complaint handler. Eyes and Ears. Reminder, Calendar, Remember-all. The list goes on (List maker?).

(Ugh, my inbox and outbox just don't seem to diminish.)

These are the anecdotes of my position in two companies that reside in the same office. One, being the secretary for the Leasing Office and owners of a professional building. The other being an assistant for an event decor company. I want to make sure everyone knows now, that I love my job, and I love my bosses. The tenants, the clients, the crazy walk ins? Not so much. The vendors, the dealers, the subcontracted workers? Even less.

These will be my tales day in and day out, on the silliness that ensues in this double business.

"Hey, Secre?" my boss says, right before giving me a stack of calls to make, or emails to respond to. Which I do diligently, and speedily. Sometimes people answer, sometimes they don't. But I do what I have to do to make sure it all gets done.

Tell Your People

I get to the office at 9:00 AM as per usual, load the computer up, store away my lunch in the mini fridge, turn the A/C on, open the blinds. I sit down, and as I do, one of our vendors opens the door. "We're doing the fire alarm test, the alarms are going to go off, tell your people." What? I told them last week to give me a day's notice so I can notify the building's tenants with time. No, now, I have to scramble.

So I write up a makeshift memo with the details, print 30 copies, grab some scotch tape, lock the door and head off. I do the first floor, the second. And then I see the vendor. "How long before the test?" I ask him, upon which he replies, "Ten minutes." I have ten minutes to comb there moor floors, which happened to be the one with most tenants, of course.

(You can see the 'Magic Button' as my boss calls it, on the bottom left corner)

After doing my rounds with as much speed and accuracy as possible, I head back to the first floor, unlock the door via 'the magic button' (automatic lock system with remote), I sit in my chair. And then he comes in. "Well, we're done!" I stare at him for a moment, as I never heard anything go off. "Did you test the alarm?" I ask, raising an eyebrow, which might have had a minor twitch. "Oh we didn't need to! Everything was in order!"

I stared at him some more. "Oh, alright." I say, as the images of me flying at him at super speed, fist smashing into his face, stars exploding in the background all ensues in my head. "Anything else I can help you with?" I say, with a smile that I'm sure gave away the lunacy floating in my mind. "Nope! No wait! Yes! I need you to sign here, do you have a pen?" I sign, he dates, he tells me to have a great day. The phone rings, some or another about something they want to sell me.

After hanging up, I quickly realize he took my last pen. Oh boy. There's that twitch again.